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Slow Down Second Kid! Mama’s Not Ready

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Why does the second child have to grow up so much faster than the first?

Zana had her ballet showcase today and wore the same costume Lira wore in her recital last year. How does Lira’s costume, from when she was 6, fit Zana, who’s 4?  She’s growing every day but some days, like today, I notice. Really notice.

Where's my baby?
Where’s my baby?

Zana was the only one dressed in costume at today’s showcase: hair in a bun “because I’m a ballerina,” smiling from ear to ear, so proud.  She couldn’t have pointed those toes any better if she were wearing actual pointe slippers.

Taking this showcase seriously
Taking this showcase seriously

Our lives are moving so fast that we can’t keep track of what’s on the calendar from one day to the next. If we see a block of time that’s free we wonder if the calendar is broken.  I want to… need to… stop and breathe. Take it all in. Let my 4-year-old’s sweet breath fill my lungs and her sweet smile fill my soul.

Today I did.

Today I savored every hug.

Today I listened… really listened when she told me about her day. She giggled about the boy at school who kissed another girl who “wasn’t even in her family!” She let me know that while some girls only wear dresses, she also really likes wearing shorts. She asked me what color I’d be if I weren’t the color I am, and let me know that she’d probably be brown.

She told me she loved me, without me saying it first.

I’m sure it was no coincidence that today was one of her best behavior days on record. I may not always have time to blog (y’all still love me, right?), or to write thank you notes (sorry, Mom), or cook dinner (takeout works!), but I will… I must… make time for what matters.

I’m Bossy But, Not the Boss Like Beyoncé

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“Get off of me with those Nutella hands!”

“It’s snowing, you can’t wear a swimsuit!”

“If you don’t sit both of your butt cheeks on that chair, no dessert!”

I have heard myself saying all of the above this weekend. Meanwhile, every time I’m on Twitter, Instagram or any of my other favorite time-wasting apps I’m bombarded with messages like this one…

Look at the words, not her perfect face.
Look at the words, not her perfect face.

Besides my bossy self, I live with two bossy girls. There, I said it. But it’s true! They march around the house barking orders at each other, at Dave, and at me. And if anyone else is near, they’ll boss them around too. Lira got bossy with all of us, including her Nana, the other day and then actually growled at her. At her own Nana!

#3 is what she thinks should be her consequence
#3 is what she thinks should be her consequence

If she doesn’t “get it together” like the note says, we’re going to have ourselves a regular Anna Wintour around here—only this little devil will be wearing Gymboree instead of Prada.

According to the Ban Bossy website, “When a little boy asserts himself, he’s called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded bossy.”

Is that true? Am I the only one who also uses the word “bossy” to describe those of the opposite sex? I’m an equal opportunity bossy-caller. In fact, I call my husband that all the time.

Me: Why are you so bossy?
Him: Because I’m the boss.
Me: *eye roll*
The Girls: No you’re not the boss, Daddy!

Then, he asks them who the boss is, and they say ‘both of you.’

I wish I could get on board with Beyoncé (and Michelle Obama and Sheryl Sandberg) with this one. She usually steers me in the right direction…

She taught me …

…that not everyone would be ready for this jelly

… that if he liked it then he should have put a ring on it.

… and that if I ever need to kick anyone out I should put everything they own in the box to the left.

So I want to #BanBossy for Bey… but no.

What am I supposed to say when people are being bossy?

“Way to be a leader!”??

Maybe it’s because I’m fortunate to have some very outspoken girls. Or maybe I just don’t like being told what to do. But either way, I’m not doing it.

So to quote one of my favorite tweets on the issue…

“Technically, telling anyone to ban a word is bossy.”

Flower Girls are in the House Tonight!

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Were you ever a flower girl? I never was, but always wanted to be. So when my friend, Katie, asked Lira and Zana to be flower girls in her Charlottesville wedding, it was ON.

No time to waste… we read flower girl books, watched YouTube videos (yes, really), and talked about the importance of their mission. “Don’t mess up. You have the most important job in the entire wedding…. Yeah, I know you’re not the bride, but throwing those flowers on the ground sets the stage for the entire wedding.” I can’t figure out why, but the night before the wedding, they both decided they didn’t want to be flower girls anymore.

After bribing them with toys that they could only pay with after getting an A+ on their flower girl final exam, they were ready to roll.

A little bribery goes a long way.
A little bribery goes a long way.

Here’s how they got an A+:

  1. Asking the tough questions. From “Why do we have to throw the flowers on the ground?” to “What’s that thing on your leg? (a garter). Princess Tiana didn’t wear one of those when she got married,” these girls kept the bride on her toes. So Katie, what does one do with that garter belt? I never heard your answer.

    "No really, what is that thing on your leg?"
    “No really, what is that thing on your leg?”
  2. Launching the party rocket. Just before ceremony time, there was an eerie, nervous silence. A bridesmaid thought a song might lighten the mood… but what song? Just then, Zana screamed at the top of her lungs “PARTY ROCKET’S IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT!” And from that moment, it really was. “Everybody just have a good time!” all the bridesmaids sang back. Also, I think LMFAO got their own lyrics wrong. Zana’s version is much better.

    What's everyone so nervous about?
    What’s everyone so nervous about?
  3. Providing the getaway. During picture time, it’s hard to notice when someone disappears So it’s no surprise that, before we realized she was gone, Zana climbed into the driver seat of the golf cart, and pushed the gas pedal. Shrieks and screams ensued as Dave and I sprinted toward her. Luckily, she only drove a few feet…. And what did she have to say for herself? Not much -just giggles.

    "I could have driven it better."
    “I could have driven it better.”
  4. Boogey-ing. “I Katie, take you Colin…” “AAAAACHHHHOOOOO!” You know those sneezes with the snot that hangs down to your waist? The thick, greenish-yellow snot producing sneezes? Zana picked the perfect moment for one of those. Terrified bridesmaids exchanged “do I have to deal with this?” looks, but little Z knew to come on over to my purse full of tissues, get her nose wiped, and get right back up there. (Somehow there wasn’t a picture of any of this in the professional photos. Go figure.)
  5. And boogie-ing.  My favorite part of many weddings (including my own) is when the flower girls dance. It’s usually just a dance or two… but not with my party animals. Lira took several twirls around the dance floor, while Zana found her place on stage. Flashbacks of my college days didn’t let me sleep much that night… but the pictures sure do rule.
"And you're gonna hear me rrrooooaaar!"
“And you’re gonna hear me rrrooooaaar!”
Fast forward to college... smh
Fast forward to college… #smh

Bonus Points:

  • To Lira for being the most patient and loving big sister I’ve ever seen.
This makes everything ok.
This makes everything ok.
  • Dave, for putting on a pirate hat.
Aaaarhhh!
Aaaarhhh!

Full disclosure: the real reason I’m writing this post is because the wedding photographer, Jack Looney, took some of my favorite pictures of the girls that I’ve ever seen. I mean really…

Tell me about your flower girl experiences in the comments below!

Monet, Butts and Other Family Values

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We’re almost a month into the school year now and time is definitely not flying. It doesn’t help that “I don’t waaaannnaaaagotaschoooool” replaces “good morning” most days.

There’s crying while I force Zana into her uniform, crying while we decide whether we’re walking or biking, and then extreme sobbing that can be heard across the school when I leave her in her classroom.

Sweet moments like this one are rare, but give me hope that one day those eyes will be dry.

Not interesting in going home after school
Not interesting in going home after school

Despite what I’ve witnessed, Zana’s teacher says she’s having a fantastic year. She sends photos and stories throughout the day that paint an entirely different picture of our little Debbie Downer.

Clearly an unhappy child
Clearly an unhappy child

When they were coming up with their list class expectations, the teacher sent a list of each child’s suggestions to the parents:

“no spitting”
“no hitting”
“no biting”
“no kicking”
“no showing your butt to your friends”– Zana

Family values, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what we’re all about. No showing your butt to your friends. It’s something Dave and I remind each other of on a daily basis because, let’s be honest, you’ll probably want to at some point during the day.

Luckily, the other kids parents still smile at us in the morning… or maybe they’re smirking. Anyway, I’ll take it. I know they’re just jealous of how well our daughter can articulate all that’s important in life in one short sentence… about butts.

So when I got today’s email, with the subject line “what did you do when you weren’t at school?” I held my breath for the replies.

“played at home”
“ate ice cream”
“slept so much” (clearly not Zana)
“played hopscotch”
“went to a museum, saw the Monet paintings” – Zana

Ha!

Zana’s Parents 1
All You Other Moms and Dads 0

And so what if Zana didn’t really go to a museum this weekend. So what if she went to a mildly sketchy nail salon on H street for a blue manicure instead.

Mani not Monet
Mani, not Monet

According to that email, Zana’s parents are some classy people. We don’t show our butts to anyone… not even our friends.