soccer Archives - Mom in DCity

Today was the last soccer game of the season for the yellow team aka the Golden Hawks. The Yellow Lemonades, who lost every single game last season, were back with a new attitude and a new name—so much promise! Week after week, we watched the Hawks get trampled. By the end of the season, they lost six games and tied one. However, we weren’t just losing on the field, we were also losing the soccer mom game. When the rival Orange Crush came to the field in matching logoed sweatshirts, we knew something had to change.

One of my favorite mom friends texted me…. “oh it’s on.”

“Yeah! It’s SO on!” I responded, not even knowing what we were talking about.

The next text was a link to some crazy hair bows I hadn’t seen since the 90s. All yellow and black, adorned with soccer balls.

“You down?” She asked. (Yes, we always use cool-mom lingo when we text).

Before I knew it she was at the craft store sending me pictures of different ribbon options. I tried to play it cool, swiftly responding about which ribbons would go best together.

I have strong, intelligent opinions on this.

“I’ll split these up and drop off your half.”

Pump. The. Breaks.

Has she met me?? I’d clearly taken my cool-mom act too far because this woman thought I was going to MAKE these funky 90s hair ribbons for the final game. I did what any faker does best and called all of my crafty friends to see who could come over and make the hair ribbons for me. Everyone was busy! I’d have to attempt this project myself.

First, cut the ribbon.

Next, use a hot glue gun to connect them in a zig-zag pattern. I plugged in the hot glue gun and realized I’d never used one before. I FaceTimed the mom I borrowed it from so she could explain the mystery contraption every crafter swears by.

Zig-zag pattern done. Now sew the ribbons to a rubber band.

At this point, I decided to look on Etsy and try to get some of these things overnighted at any cost.

Not possible.

I threaded the first needle I’ve touched since my mom taught me to sew buttons in elementary school.

“Mom! This is so cool! I can’t believe you’re making these!” It was almost as if the girls knew how much encouragement I needed. I was sweating.

But then my in-laws stopped by and, since we all know it takes a village, Dave’s dad and sister helped me sew the rest of the ribbons to the elastic bands and glue soccer balls on top.

Now the scary part… use a lighter to singe the ends and make sure the ribbon doesn’t unravel. Once you get over the fear of burning your house down, this is actually the coolest part!

Fast forward to this morning. When the last game started, it wasn’t the same team on the field. There was something different about these girls.

Life isn't perfect, but my hair sure is. — “Life isn’t perfect, but my hair sure is.”

They were running faster, and standing taller. It was clearly the hair ribbons.

The Golden Hawks fought hard today. But alas, they lost 3-0.

Did they spend part of the game catching raindrops in their mouths?

Yes.

Did they lose more games than any other team this season?

Yes.

But I’ll tell you what… no team in the league had better hair than those Golden Hawks. I’m calling that a win.

There was an article in the BBC today called “How Much Football Can You Talk About to a Non-Fan.”

It’s one of the first articles Dave has ever sent that I actually decided to read. I have my ideas about the answer to that question (2 minutes or until they fall asleep, whichever comes first), but I was curious to hear from the experts.

I already know Dave’s opinion on the subject: talk about soccer as much as possible to as many people as possible, regardless of whether or not that care, despite the fact that they’re sleeping, cursing or no longer in the room. It’s his personal mission in life to convince all non soccer-lovers that they are mistaken.

If this sounds like an exaggeration, check out this convo we had tonight:

Me: Dave, come here for a sec.

Dave: What?

Me: It’s about soccer.

Dave: Yeeeeesssssssss? (how did he get in here so fast? it was like a bolt of lightening.)

Me: Is it ok to talk soccer to people who aren’t interested?

Dave: I think it’s fine to talk to non-fans as much as I want, because if they don’t know what’s going on- they should. How else are they going to learn?

Me: Ok fine, but when should you stop talking?

Dave: I guess when they roll their eyes and zone out I know they’re not interested. But you’re a special case. It’s going to take years to wear you down, but you’ll like it eventually. It’s already working! Remember how much fun you had at the last DC United game?

Me: No, I don’t remember.

Dave: Remember when I took you to see Beckham? That was pretty cool, wasn’t it?

Me: I guess. Can you go away and stop talking to me about soccer now?

Dave: You’re the one who called me over here!

According to the BBC article, there’s an assumption (in Britain) that people who don’t care about “football” are a bunch of unpatriotic “ninnies.” Obviously soccer is a much bigger deal overseas than in the U.S. but, even in England, a new poll shows that less than half the population is interested in the sport. But never fear, soccer lovers— Dave is, single-handedly making up for that on this side of the pond.

He strategically found our current home just 5 blocks from DC United’s stadium, he’s been a front-row season ticket holder for years, doesn’t miss a game, subscribes to Fox Soccer channel so he can record and re-watch games, writes letters to the MLS commissioner about mistakes he thinks are being made in the league, has bought every one in our family (not just the immediate one) a soccer jersey, and… well, you get the picture. Sometimes I feel like Drew Barrymore in movie, Fever Pitch… which I just found out was actually a remake of a British film about how a fan’s obsession with Arsenal got in the way of his relationship.

soccer fans — Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon

I have tried for years to curb the soccer talk at our house. I mean, what is there to discuss when you’ve just had a 90 minute conversation with the television? But he is persistent… even learning random tidbits about players’ wives, hoping to peak my interest in any way possible.

“Dave, I’m not listening. Dave, I stopped caring 5 minutes ago. Dave, that’s enough!” Nothing works.

The BBC article quotes an etiquette expert who says it’s rude to discuss “football” with people who don’t want to hear about it… but then it quotes football fans who don’t care whether it’s rude or not. They say they can’t help themselves, and the rest of us should just get on board. So what’s a girl like me to do? Whether it’s American football, baseball, or golf (yuck), a man’s love affair with his sport-of-choice is here to stay. In the meantime, I’m trying to come up with a topic that’s as uninteresting to him as soccer is to me… so that I can torture him with it, of course. Any ideas?

Soccer Team Loss, Soccer Hair Win

Red Card(!) For Not Shutting Up About Soccer