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Cranky In Clarendon

May 16, 2012 by momindcity 4 Comments

I don’t understand what the big deal is about Clarendon. Sure, there are some cool restaurants, but I just can’t get excited about a place whose town center involves Pottery Barn and The Cheesecake Factory.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a Starbucks latte as much as the next mom, but after living in DC it all feels so generic. If I sound like a pretentious a**hole, I apologize, but I just got back from the Clarendon Whole Foods and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

First of all, there’s never any parking. I had forgotten about this when I decided on this Whole Foods instead of the one in DC. Haven’t you people heard of a parking garage? It may take half an hour to drive two miles in DC, but at least when you get there you can park. I circled Clarendon three times before finding a space three blocks away from the store. Hiking, while lugging groceries in the rain with a cast on, isn’t my idea of a fun time.

By the way, there are plenty of grocery stores on the Hill (Harris Teeter at Jenkins Row is my fave), but this was a special trip to stock up for my vegan cleanse. One hour and $173 dollars later, I headed home with my tiny bag of groceries and a few observations about Clarendon.

  • The dogs are friendlier in DC. My friend, Caroline, tried giving one a treat and he turned up his nose at her. Sorry if it wasn’t organic and vegan, Buddy!
  • Every woman there either just got out of yoga class or is about to go to a yoga class… either that or yoga pants are the new jeans.
  • There are no Black people here. Or Hispanics, for that matter. Now that I think about it… I didn’t see an Asian anywhere either.
  • Random streets are blocked off for no apparent reason. I’m pretty sure nobody is going to get hit by a car because nobody in Clarendon ever walks when the sign says not to. Psh… rule followers.

Something just doesn’t feel right. It’s like The Truman Show. No sidewalk has a crack. No person has a pimple—I think the one I had disappeared as soon as I found a parking space. I should like a place like this, because what’s not to like?! But I don’t.

If you haven’t watched GoRemy’s Arlington Rap, do it now. You’re welcome.

As I walk to my front door with my vegan goods, I grab the empty bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 hanging in my bushes. When are these thugs going to start recycling?

Filed Under: Local Adventures Tagged With: Clarendon, dc, suburbs, washington, Whole Foods

Comments

  1. cavish says

    May 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    1) That was weird!?!
    b) I rocked a pair of cut off jean shorts I made the same morning?
    III) Um, technically I am Hispanic and I did see an Asian couple in the cheese section.
    4) Driving, parking, walking, breathing in Clarendon is just generally awful.

    (I enjoy Galaxy Hut?)

    Reply
  2. momindcity says

    May 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Caroline, I’m so sorry that I ignored your Hispanic heritage. I was focusing on our Jewish side.

    So you’re still wearing jorts? No yoga pants?

    Reply
  3. Linda says

    May 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    No Asians in Clarendon? Hehehe

    Reply
  4. momindcity says

    May 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    My friend Caroline said she saw one or two– ha!

    Reply

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