Lira’s about to graduate from Kindergarten, which can only mean one thing… it’s time to get married! At least, that’s what some of the boys in her class seem to think. I mean, she did get her ears pierced so she’s all grown up and it only makes sense- right?
When I was her age, I used to chase boys around the playground singing Kenny & Dolly’s “Islands in the Stream,” but I didn’t actually want to marry them. I just wanted to profess my undying love. No one in between… how can we be wrong? Sail away with me…
One boy, who felt our connection, picked apart a daddy longleg and eat it one leg at a time to prove his manliness. That’s real love.
But kids these days just want to rush things. Lira comes home with “so-and-so wants to marry me,” or “so-and-so tried to kiss me,” every other day. Dave and I just look at each other, terrified.
Since Lira can’t fit into my wedding dress yet, we had to nip this thing in the bud. On a recent hike through Cabin John, we had a serious conversation about why she can’t marry the latest boy who wants to tie the knot with her.
We told her there were at least 10 reasons that was a bad idea. And Ms. Sassy Pants needed to hear all 10 of them. Here’s what we came up with.
- He still lives at home with his parents.
- He doesn’t have a job.
- He hasn’t even graduated.
- He wanted to marry your friend last week.
- His friend also wants to marry you (and that’s just awkward).
- He didn’t give you a ring. (come on Lira, haven’t I taught you anything?)
- He hasn’t asked for our blessing.
- She doesn’t have enough money in her piggy bank to pay for the wedding.
- The divorce rate is extremely high for marriages between six year olds.
- He tried to kiss you and hasn’t even asked you on a date—that’s just ungentlemanly.
Lira giggled harder at each one on the list, and I think we bought ourselves some time. No wedding bells until at least 2014. Whew…
Did I miss any reasons? Let me know in the comments section.