Coming back to The District from New York was a strange feeling. The city we live in seems more like a sleepy town. The girls are bursting with energy, despite the fact that we got back at midnight. They caught the New York bug (not that kind) and keep asking when we’re going to move there.
We won’t be moving any time soon, but I did learn a lot and we will certainly visit more often armed with these 10 important tidbits:
- If you’ve got a stroller, take the bus. You may think it’s cool to be city-savvy and ride the subway, but trust me: you do not want to lug your stroller up and down the steps of the train stations. This is one area where the DC Metro is superior. DC takes elevators and escalators seriously, even providing alternate transportation if there’s an escalator outage. If you’re in New York with young kids, take the bus. Do it.
- When it comes to germs, just give up. My kids cannot keep their hands out of their mouths no matter what I do: threats, bribes, beatings—nothing works. Want to know what 100 years of grit and grime tastes like? Ask Zana. She touched every single part of the New York subway system and then ate it.
- Taxidermy: it’s not just for hicks.I am fascinated by tattoos and have thought, for the past 10 years, thinking about what kind I want. New Yorkers don’t share my dilemma. They just stop at a tattoo parlor and get the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t believe me? Check out this girl’s taxidermy tattoo: Just a guess, but I don’t think she kills animals. Brooklynites have more tattoos per capita than any other place on the planet—and that includes Marine Corps Bases.
- All vegans must move to The City. From hipster vegan restaurants to falafel shops and diners, every place has at least one delicious vegan option. I wasn’t sure I’d survive a weekend in New York without pizza, but here I am enjoying my falafel food coma. Pizza? Who needs it? (ha)
- Zombies don’t give a warning call. Just because someone looks like they’ve had their face smashed in and is covered in blood, doesn’t mean they’re hurt. After Dave and I argued about whether to call an ambulance for a guy with a massive head wound, we found out he was fine; he was just a zombie who had risen from the dead. He and his kind were in Brooklyn for a bar crawl and left a bloody path of destruction in their wake. Fear.net has some great pictures of the event here. I’ll be sure to mark my calendar for next time.
- “I’ll meet you at the coffee shop,” really means “I’ll meet you at The Coffee Shop.” Or The Donut Shop, or The Grocery Store. Whatever marketing strategist came up with this was a genius. Why waste time thinking up fancy shmancy names? Just say what it is and people will come.
- The parking gods don’t hate me after all. Not only did we have a place to park our car all weekend, but it was right down the street from where we were staying and it was free! Is that even legal?! (Note: if this happens to you, do not move your car. You will never find a space again. Ever.)
- I am not a cat person. Ok, I already knew this but our weekend stay with my friend’s two sphynx catsreinforced it. I just can’t deal with animals walking on kitchen counters. Not to mention, Zana is so violently allergic that she coughs until she throws up whenever she’s around them. We learned that this weekend. Fun.
- My husband might be Jewish. While walking down Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, he was asked not once, not twice, but three times by Orthodox Jews, if he were one of them. Maybe it’s the size of his shnaz (my mom’s Jewish, so I’m allowed to make racist comments) or the Matzo ball soup stains on his shirt (he loves that stuff). Whatever it was, Dave had every Jew within a 6 block radius on high alert. When he told them he wasn’t, they seemed disappointed. “But what about me?! Am I not giving off the vibe?!” It’s like I’m invisible…
- There’s no such thing as comfort footwear. I tried them all this weekend: Flip-fops, sandals, tennies, my adorable new platform wedges—they all hurt.How do sassy NY natives manage to look so fashionable all the time? They must get a $25 mani/pedi every day (yes, they’re that cheap). I would, if I could find a discount place in DC. If anyone knows the secret to comfortable feet, please let me know.
And if you have any more tips about NY, share them below.