Motherhood Musings Archives - Page 2 of 10

8 Nanny Applicants That Were Just… No

October 24, 2015 by momindcity 3 Comments

A new baby brings coos and cuddles. But before you know it… you’ve got to go back to work. And that means you’ve got to find childcare.

My plan is to keep Lorik out of daycare (and the cooties that come with it) for as long as possible, so I got a Care.com membership and started searching for a short-term nanny.

So many nannies of all shapes and sizes! The emails started coming—about a hundred within a week. Here are some of my favorite applicants, and by favorite I mean the ones who made me want to crawl into a hole and question humanity.

The nanny who doesn’t like crybabies. “If your baby cries for more than 5 minutes I will call you.”
The nanny who wants to shake your baby. “When a baby can’t stop crying I just shake them.” Should I email her a public service announcement?
The nanny who didn’t read the job description. “I will teach your kid to ride a bike, help with their homework and coloring, and take them on playdates.” Good because I was really sick of Lorik being the last baby to learn to ride his bike.
The nanny who laughs when you tell them what you can afford to pay. That happened.
The nanny who’s oh-so-sexy. I mean, I like sequins and short skirts just as much as the next girl, but maybe don’t use that photo for your nanny profile. We all know about Jude Law, Ethan Hawke and the Governator.
The nanny who had her friend call me because she doesn’t like to talk on the phone. Yeah ok, who does anymore? But what if there’s an emergency?!?
The nanny who likes convenience. “This really works well for my schedule,” is not the most convincing reason I’d leave you with my precious baby. Especially when it’s the only reason you can come up with.
The nanny who pretended to be someone else. When I called to check her reference, the woman on the other end of the line sounded strikingly similar to the nanny applicant. Because they were the SAME PERSON.

I haven’t been on the dating scene in a while, but if Match.com is anything like Care.com, the world is in trouble. Yet somehow… I found a unicorn. Someone who loves Lorik almost as much as I do, no matter how many times he screams in her face, throws up on her and poops in her hand.

What, like you've never done it? — What, like you’ve never done it?

And I’m not even going to mention the fact that she buys me coffee, takes beautiful photos of my baby and color codes my bookcases. Oh and she’s always early. And she’s just the most loving and kind young woman I’ve ever met. I kind of want to adopt her, but I don’t think you can do that with 23 year olds.

I’m not back at work full-time yet—just going in for meetings and working part time from home. And when my unicorn goes to nursing school in January, it’s back to the drawing board. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that there won’t be too many more nanny don’ts to add to the list, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Baby, It’s Time You Got a Job

October 22, 2015 by momindcity 2 Comments

In our house, everybody contributes. Lira empties the trash can, Zana straightens the shoes and Dave does whatever I tell him to. So when I heard there was a job opening for a baby I just knew Lorik had to apply. It’s a teaching job with tough qualifications. The applicant must have been born this past summer, and…. um, well that may have been the only qualification. Whew- nailed it! During the interview we learned more: Lorik would come to the school once a month until his first birthday and teach empathy to 4^th graders. It’s an anti-bullying program developed in Canada that has gained popularity in New Zealand, Ireland and parts of the U.S.

According to the Roots of Empathy website, kids who take part in the program are “kinder, more cooperative, and more inclusive of others, and are less aggressive and less likely to bully others.” I wasn’t really sure how a baby could make all of that happen, but if anyone can do it Lorik can. Have you seen that face??

On his first day, Lorik didn’t nap all morning and I was pretty sure we were going to get fired when he had a meltdown in front of the class. I put him in the Ergo and did a few laps around the school so he could sleep for a quick 15 minutes. He was groggy but perked up right away when we walked into the classroom serenaded by the class with a welcome song. Each student smiled, said hello and touched his toes. He smiled back, quietly taking it all in.

The instructor who runs the program asked the kids for their observations “he’s calm, he’s happy.” They talked about how they could tell what he was feeling. “He’s making cooing sounds, he’s smiling.” Then we put him on his tummy and the kids sang “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” He instantly put his head down ready for a nap and I asked for volunteers to come home with me and sing him to sleep on demand.

The instructor decided that was enough of a good thing so she flipped him over and started “rowing” his legs. She calls it rowing, I call it bicycle kicks. Tomato/To-mah-to, it’s really just a recipe for a very loud fart. The class giggled and commented on how loud it was. He takes after his father, so you can only imagine.

Lorik was then propped up to face the class again as we talked about his height, weight and how many hours he (doesn’t) sleep at night. I’m still not sure how this whole thing works, but I will say that I have never in the history of ever seen a bunch of 4^th graders speak so softly and sweetly for that long.

When I brought Lorik back to pick up his sisters at school later, it was like I’d walked in with One Direction. “OMG It’s Baby Lorik! I know Baby Lorik! Can I say hi to Baby Lorik! What’s he doing? Is he sleeping? Is he happy? Is he farting?” Lorik, in true celebrity fashion, just stared through his “babiators” without giving them the satisfaction that he even noticed them.

I’d call this first day on the job a success.

Slow Down Second Kid! Mama’s Not Ready

June 9, 2014 by momindcity 1 Comment

Why does the second child have to grow up so much faster than the first?

Zana had her ballet showcase today and wore the same costume Lira wore in her recital last year. How does Lira’s costume, from when she was 6, fit Zana, who’s 4? She’s growing every day but some days, like today, I notice. Really notice.

Zana was the only one dressed in costume at today’s showcase: hair in a bun “because I’m a ballerina,” smiling from ear to ear, so proud. She couldn’t have pointed those toes any better if she were wearing actual pointe slippers.

Our lives are moving so fast that we can’t keep track of what’s on the calendar from one day to the next. If we see a block of time that’s free we wonder if the calendar is broken. I want to… need to… stop and breathe. Take it all in. Let my 4-year-old’s sweet breath fill my lungs and her sweet smile fill my soul.

Today I did.

Today I savored every hug.

Today I listened… really listened when she told me about her day. She giggled about the boy at school who kissed another girl who “wasn’t even in her family!” She let me know that while some girls only wear dresses, she also really likes wearing shorts. She asked me what color I’d be if I weren’t the color I am, and let me know that she’d probably be brown.

She told me she loved me, without me saying it first.

I’m sure it was no coincidence that today was one of her best behavior days on record. I may not always have time to blog (y’all still love me, right?), or to write thank you notes (sorry, Mom), or cook dinner (takeout works!), but I will… I must… make time for what matters.

I’m Bossy But, Not the Boss Like Beyoncé

March 16, 2014 by momindcity 3 Comments

“Get off of me with those Nutella hands!”

“It’s snowing, you can’t wear a swimsuit!”

“If you don’t sit both of your butt cheeks on that chair, no dessert!”

I have heard myself saying all of the above this weekend. Meanwhile, every time I’m on Twitter, Instagram or any of my other favorite time-wasting apps I’m bombarded with messages like this one…

Look at the words, not her perfect face.

Besides my bossy self, I live with two bossy girls. There, I said it. But it’s true! They march around the house barking orders at each other, at Dave, and at me. And if anyone else is near, they’ll boss them around too. Lira got bossy with all of us, including her Nana, the other day and then actually growled at her. At her own Nana!

#3 is what she thinks should be her consequence

If she doesn’t “get it together” like the note says, we’re going to have ourselves a regular Anna Wintour around here—only this little devil will be wearing Gymboree instead of Prada.

According to the Ban Bossy website, “When a little boy asserts himself, he’s called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded bossy.”

Is that true? Am I the only one who also uses the word “bossy” to describe those of the opposite sex? I’m an equal opportunity bossy-caller. In fact, I call my husband that all the time.

Me: Why are you so bossy?
Him: Because I’m the boss.
Me: *eye roll*
The Girls: No you’re not the boss, Daddy!

Then, he asks them who the boss is, and they say ‘both of you.’

I wish I could get on board with Beyoncé (and Michelle Obama and Sheryl Sandberg) with this one. She usually steers me in the right direction…

She taught me …

…that not everyone would be ready for this jelly

… that if he liked it then he should have put a ring on it.

… and that if I ever need to kick anyone out I should put everything they own in the box to the left.

So I want to #BanBossy for Bey… but no.

What am I supposed to say when people are being bossy?

“Way to be a leader!”??

Maybe it’s because I’m fortunate to have some very outspoken girls. Or maybe I just don’t like being told what to do. But either way, I’m not doing it.

So to quote one of my favorite tweets on the issue…

“Technically, telling anyone to ban a word is bossy.”

Monet, Butts and Other Family Values

September 24, 2013 by momindcity 1 Comment

We’re almost a month into the school year now and time is definitely not flying. It doesn’t help that “I don’t waaaannnaaaagotaschoooool” replaces “good morning” most days.

There’s crying while I force Zana into her uniform, crying while we decide whether we’re walking or biking, and then extreme sobbing that can be heard across the school when I leave her in her classroom.

Sweet moments like this one are rare, but give me hope that one day those eyes will be dry.

Not interesting in going home after school

Despite what I’ve witnessed, Zana’s teacher says she’s having a fantastic year. She sends photos and stories throughout the day that paint an entirely different picture of our little Debbie Downer.

When they were coming up with their list class expectations, the teacher sent a list of each child’s suggestions to the parents:

“no spitting”
“no hitting”
“no biting”
“no kicking”
“no showing your butt to your friends”– Zana

Family values, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what we’re all about. No showing your butt to your friends. It’s something Dave and I remind each other of on a daily basis because, let’s be honest, you’ll probably want to at some point during the day.

Luckily, the other kids parents still smile at us in the morning… or maybe they’re smirking. Anyway, I’ll take it. I know they’re just jealous of how well our daughter can articulate all that’s important in life in one short sentence… about butts.

So when I got today’s email, with the subject line “what did you do when you weren’t at school?” I held my breath for the replies.

“played at home”
“ate ice cream”
“slept so much” (clearly not Zana)
“played hopscotch”
“went to a museum, saw the Monet paintings” – Zana

Ha!

Zana’s Parents 1
All You Other Moms and Dads 0

And so what if Zana didn’t really go to a museum this weekend. So what if she went to a mildly sketchy nail salon on H street for a blue manicure instead.

According to that email, Zana’s parents are some classy people. We don’t show our butts to anyone… not even our friends.